The Beast (Experimental Artsy-Horror-Short Story)

The Beast

Fitting Songs:

SH3 – Never Forgive Me, Never Forget Me

SH – Tears of...

How cold the day is, that you chose for this trip,

how deep the evening runs, the setting sun above your head.

You cannot remember why you chose to walk through the forest this evening,

you only know that you must.

You do not know this path, you only know that you must walk it.

Like a strange attraction, a feeling in your head,

Like a brick beneath your chest, as if your spine could not bear to turn the other way.

A flicker in your heart, a pain like a needle at mere thought of standing still.

As you walk this path, you can feel the coarse stony ground tremble beneath your feet,

spawning cracking sounds as if you walked on bones.

Every step, you can hear them – crumbling, breaking, pushing against your feet as you step on them, a strange sensation like a lust engulfing you.

You know why you’re here.

You remember now.

They told you not to look.

To stay away.

Sex is Freedom - Degeneracy is Praxis!

Sex is Freedom

Degeneracy is Praxis

1.0 Introduction

So what I’ve heard constantly over years when it comes to my general behaviour, is that I am: “Thirsty” “constantly horny” “too lewd” etc., each of which coming from the perspective that me talking about sexual topics all day every day purely comes from a place of being aroused, and furthermore due to me being at home most of the time, that arousal having no way to vent out other than me being lewd all day. And in addition to that, that the nature of my often unfiltered and greatly detailed descriptions likely come down to me not having a habitus around other “normal people”, only living online, and therefore not being kept in check on how I behave myself. That is not what they are saying, but that is what they mean, and the most charitable interpretation of their claims.

But that isn’t so. In fact it is pretty much completely wrong.

Wrong Assumptions:

• The assumption that I am aroused all the time. I am actually not. In fact I would go as far as to say that I am almost never aroused.
• Whether or not I am aroused, that I would love to have sex all the time. I do not, in fact part of why I am home so much, is because I don’t share a lot of bodily intimacy with people, nor do I have an inherent desire to do so.
• That I am talking this way because my brain is just filled with sex. There is an actual reason
• That I am so extremely detailed, so blasé about personal sexual matters and often grossly open and unfiltered, because I have no one around me to put me in my place when I talk like that. I actually talk like that outside my home as well, even when very far away and when around strangers that do take some offence to it, and let me know.
• This is all an excuse to hide the big truth – me being a giant creep. Actually that one might have some truth to it haha!

The actual answer is not that easy to explain though. In Short: I talk like that because I am ideologically inclined to, because I actively try to reproduce a habitus and opinion that I believe to be healthy for people in general, if not a boon to all of society.

But in long form? Well.. as is typical for me, we need to go a bit back here to explain this in detail:

Essential Reading - Smile

Disclaimer: This is an Archived Post: It was original written and published in 2015

Smile

Hey there! As many of you know, I love writing. And some even say I'm fairly good at it. Be it pieces of opinion, problems, gaming rants or smut. I just find the motivation to actually write. The thoughts are there, and so is my need to voice those thoughts. But as a written text? Do people really care enough about my written content to read a wall of text? Especially if it's just about my regular day to day thoughts? If you actually enjoy my written stuff, please tell me, and poke me to produce more, else I'll never find the right motivation.

Why do I care so much, instead of actually writing down shit? I don't know. I love to reflect you know, try to learn from everything I do and feel. But I also constantly doubt myself. Which brings me to the actual topic of this story. My way of thinking, my anxiety and how I deal with it.

Fiction - Empathist's Downfall

Disclaimers:

1) This is an Archived post, it was originally written and published in 2013

2) This is a side story for my fictional universe for which no comprehensive unifying work exists. But it may be interesting anyway.

Klick. The broadcast ended, leaving several dozens of people baffled. The tallest man in their ranks flapped to the ground. Karen slowly turned her head, looking at the man sitting on the ground, hanging his head. “Mastakov, who was that woman?” she mumbled. Slowly the tall man looked up “That, was Pan Laifgaim. And he was a colleague of mine. No! A friend. Once, a long time ago.” tears started to run down his face “Thousands of years ago, he was there with me when we split the world, and made new rules for it.” Karen was baffled. This was the first time she had seen that man cry. The very man that appointed so many people as new wardens to watch the world in his stead, the very man that had let them run into their misery, question themselves and allowed them to hurt others. Seeing that man just sit there, with tears on his face was not only new, it was also unreal, like something not meant to be that way. “That Karen, was a Temporal Herald.” said Senzaro, a young man of about Karen's size. He walked up to Karen and laid his hand on her shoulder “And don't worry about the pronouns, remember, we're not a bigendered culture, and as we are practically genderless, so is that man, if you want to call him that. He describes the empathist's downfall, he is what happens when Timewardens move away from their path of empathy. When they have to fill the hole in their hearts with something else.” quickly Karen turned around, facing the man “What is it about this empathy thing anyway?” she turned around to face the rest of the group of people in the room. Another young man with scruffy dark brown hair, a much smaller white haired boy in the corner of the room, silently watching the scene, and a woman with orange hair, about a head smaller than Karen. Her girlfriend Mina. “Cydric” she looked at the boy in the corner “you told me this culture is about empathy and love, how can people like that man exist? That sadist talked about killing my people, and trampling over their corpses without so much as a whimper.”

Speech at IDAHIT Darmstadt 2016

Disclaimers:
1) This is an archived post, this was written by me in the past, and is now to be re-published here. 

2) This is a translated post, the work was originally written in English, then translated and further augmented in German to arrive at it's finalized state. For this Blog the Speech's final version has been retranslated into English.

This is the Transcript of a Speech I held at the International Day Against Homophobe, Intersexphobia and Transphobia 2016 in Darmstadt.

Hello friends, and welcome to the IDAHIT 2016 in Darmstadt. I am infinitely thankful that you are all here and allowed me to speak here today, can't tell you how glad I am to be here in Darmstadt. I've always seen your Pride Events as so great that I wanted to recreate them in Frankfurt. It's always great being here.

We now have the year 2016 and throughout the world we can see the fruit of our labor, same sex marriage has been opened in Ireland and the United States of America, and while we haven't reached that goal in Germany yet, we have instead increased awareness for our cause. These days, everyone knows at least one person who is gay or trans.

But there is an ugly side to 2016 as well, many famous people died. But it's not them that break my heart, seeing as they are far away and not close to my heart. After all, I've never known them personally.

Much closer to my heart, earlier this year one of my best friends died. Whether it was an accident or a suicide I don't know, but it breaks me to think of the latter [2020 Notes, it was a suicide].

Didn't it get better? Even the name of this event changes every year. First it was the IDAHO, then the IDAHOT and now it's the IDAHIT. We get to know each other, starting to understand and work together. We are in this together, “It gets better” right?

On Trans and Class

On Trans and Class

an Essay by Khari Eventide

I’ve been talking about this issue before on various social media platforms, about my frustration with being called “binary” for being a trans woman. I’ve ranted about it, but now I want to take a deep dive into this topic through an essay, to talk about how I desire to classify trans people, why that is a good thing, and what the downsides are of splitting them into different classes. Establishing my view on these first, will allow me to then, later on, go more into detail about parts of my political ideology – Trans-Anarchism.

The Eventide - Introduction and World View

Edit: Some of the info here is outdated, as I for instance evolved from Anarchism to ML Communism, but I'll keep it here as an archived post.

Hello friends! I want to use this text to give a preliminary introduction to who I am, how I see the world currently, and what I am / seek to do as a result of that. This is to compound why this blog exists now.

1.0 Who I Am

1.1 Short Bio

Hey again! I’m Khari Eventide, also called TheSnarkyLesbian on Twitch. I’m a Lesbian, Transgender and Anarchist blogger and my pronouns are she / hers. I also am studying sociology and am trying to both apply what I learn there to my process of analysing the world, as well as trying to teach some of it here and on my Twitch streams. I mention all these Attributes because they speak very intrinsically to who I am and what my perspective on the material and symbolic world are. So this is what this blog will be about. Sociology, politics, Queer and Trans topics, activism and my various philosophical views. Please Enjoy!

1.2 Long Bio