Speech at IDAHIT Darmstadt 2016

Disclaimers:
1) This is an archived post, this was written by me in the past, and is now to be re-published here. 

2) This is a translated post, the work was originally written in English, then translated and further augmented in German to arrive at it's finalized state. For this Blog the Speech's final version has been retranslated into English.

This is the Transcript of a Speech I held at the International Day Against Homophobe, Intersexphobia and Transphobia 2016 in Darmstadt.

Hello friends, and welcome to the IDAHIT 2016 in Darmstadt. I am infinitely thankful that you are all here and allowed me to speak here today, can't tell you how glad I am to be here in Darmstadt. I've always seen your Pride Events as so great that I wanted to recreate them in Frankfurt. It's always great being here.

We now have the year 2016 and throughout the world we can see the fruit of our labor, same sex marriage has been opened in Ireland and the United States of America, and while we haven't reached that goal in Germany yet, we have instead increased awareness for our cause. These days, everyone knows at least one person who is gay or trans.

But there is an ugly side to 2016 as well, many famous people died. But it's not them that break my heart, seeing as they are far away and not close to my heart. After all, I've never known them personally.

Much closer to my heart, earlier this year one of my best friends died. Whether it was an accident or a suicide I don't know, but it breaks me to think of the latter [2020 Notes, it was a suicide].

Didn't it get better? Even the name of this event changes every year. First it was the IDAHO, then the IDAHOT and now it's the IDAHIT. We get to know each other, starting to understand and work together. We are in this together, “It gets better” right?

These days you no longer are just gay(male) or lesbian, bisexuals find themselves slowly being accepted as who they are instead of being seen as temporary gay- or straight people. Our Trans-meetup in Frankfurt is counting more people every year, not because we indoctrinate people like certain political parties accuse us of, but because the trans awareness increases. No longer can you declare yourself crazy if so many other people everywhere are the same. Slowly we are allowed to be more than just freaks for media and television, punchlines for bad jokes and worst case scenarios in people's dating life, or worse, an exotic fetish in porn.

We are politicians, lawyers, artists and actors. We are role models. We are still held back on a massive scale, but still we make our voices heard!

Even Genderqueer people become more and more known in today's times, they don't just stand on the sidelines. Among us is where they stand, tall and proud are they fighting with us on this great day.

IdaHIT, that means we also tackle Interphobia, as they also were silenced and hidden from plain sight for decades, many of them mutilated after birth or later as adults. Mutilated against their will. They've been wronged, knowingly, by pretty much everyone who tried to squeeze them into neat little categories of men and women. Their voices have been among us forever, but we didn't listen.

The death of my friend hurt me, burned my heart. It get's better, and it did, right? Then how can it be that he is dead now? Why couldn't he stay alive to be with us here today?

You know, I also fight with living for years, like many of us. Whenever someone takes their own life I quietly contemplate why I haven't killed myself as well. Years over years I slowly seclude myself even more, I'm looking for solitude because I don't have the power to stay among many people for too long. More and more I become a recluse, hide myself, prematurely bury myself.

I’ve been living as a woman for about 10 years now, been through years of hormone therapy and even had a big surgery 2 years ago.

Am I happy? Do I like being alive?

To be honest, I wasn’t sure for quite a while, yet I would keep thinking about it. I would sit there, have a back and forth with myself, unsure of myself, the intrusive thoughts would keep spinning me around in circles, and I just would not find a satisfying answer.

Though in the last few months I noticed something. What is life? Life is progress. Life is laughing and life is crying. To live means to break your own limits. To live is to lose your hope over and over again, and then watch yourself reclaim it heroically and becoming stronger as a result.

This is how it is found in the history of humanity. Hunting with sticks and stones was not enough for us, we wanted to move beyond what life told us to be capable of. We grow, we climb and we invent. We each break the limits of a pre-established generation, and when our feet won’t carry us any further, and the limits of our mental capacity have been reached, then the next generation contiues carrying the torch for us. We will all become the conservatives of our own mind one day, which is why the coming generations are so important. The Queer Youth, the new progressive movements, they are so important for us, as they supply this movement with fresh air and strong winds. They are the ones bringing in the storms that remind us of how beautiful sitting still can be, yet also how fatal it can be to not keep moving.

Every day I get a taste of these winds. I get to meet new people, I get to learn about their hobbies and interests, their passions, their individual drives. And every day I fall in love with them anew [2020 Notes: This was pre Twitter and Breadtube]. There is nothing, more beautiful, than an individual completely and naturally being themselves, with no restrictions applied. With their own dreams, ideas, weaknesses, desires, faults, sparks and downfalls. This is unique to every human being, it is beautiful, and I live to behold this beauty every day.

Constantly I discover new art.

Music that touches my heart,

Stories that inspire me,

Images that reflect lifetimes.

And I desire to observe them all. Every day I explore the world anew. I still love to be nosy and naive, I love to be wrong and to be taught a lesson. There is so much still to learn, and all of it is valuable.

Being taught a lesson means you can still learn. Learning means you have not started standing still yet. Standing still means to not live, to die. Learning, means to move, not to die, but to live.

I don’t want to die because I still want to learn.

I want to listen, because I need to understand.

I want to be among you all when you are completely yourself.

I want to see you smile, I want to see you cry.

I want to see what lights your sparks, and be there to hold your hand when the lights go off.

Let us be together on this beautiful day.

Listen together,

Love together,

Learn together,

Live – Together.

Thank you so very much

Khari Eventide